under the upper hand

Work of Art is a show on Bravo (Wednesday @ 10!) similar to that of Project Runway except artists are the contestants. Each week they are given a task, or rather, are asked to create a work of art that is inspired by something in particular. I stumbled across the 2nd episode while flipping through the channels and was hooked.

This show has gained a lot of criticism because of its subject. Art is seen as perceptive to each individual person, so how can four or five judges decide what “works” ? Also, in some eyes it makes art too “commercial.” Personally, I don’t really give a shit about the critiques. I understand where they come from, but I am just a regular 17 year old high school student trying to figure shit out. Maybe I don’t have the eyes or understanding of a “true artist.” My perception of pieces of art will definitely not be the same as others, but that’s fine; I haven’t always agreed with the winning pieces (i.e John’s The Time Machine book cover). I have little to no knowledge about the art world. All I know is what I feel.

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CRAZY, i know. so many exciting things today!

November 6th: MOTION CITY SOUNDTRACK/SAY ANYTHING/SAVES THE DAY!

i am STOKED! also, the new Avatar: The Last Airbender series has been officially announced as Avatar: The Legend of Korra! I’m really excited! I think this show is one of Nickelodeon’s true gems and I really was sad when Avatar ended, so thank you for a spin off!

Things Nilanda still has to do

• get my car situation settled for the maine
• 2011 fundraiser
• figure out what i’m wearing to the maine
• catch up on work of art & blog

.. i’ve missed ya.

that means panic! at the disco and fall out boy all day.

i’m not tired, but i have senior pictures and work tomorrow morning. WHY MAN, WHY?

*Reminder to self:

• download audio book
• agenda for student council
• call for carwash?
• fold paper
• CDs & maine mix for nicole
• cash check!?
• work of art blog (i am obsessed!)

io4ewklsgjdaghslkfdshtges;llfgfsdjklf;sjfkshalkfjdsaf GOODNIGHT.

The Maine has become one of my absolute favorite bands. There are so many bands out there in this “scene,” and one of my friends asked a very valid question: why them? She said to me. (something along the lines of:) “I didn’t know you were this obsessed with them, it’s funny/weird that it’s The Maine of all [current (“scene”)] bands.” Well, where do I begin?

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i love the maine <3

foreveridream:

I wish I can vent more, but I just want to vent about the same thing. The same event. I’m just going to say the same thing over and over. They’re going get sick of me. Sick of my thoughts. Sick of the situation. Because it’s not even a situation. It’s just me dealing with the results. But. It’s just not enough. I haven’t vented enough. I’m not satisfied. 

talk to me baby g

On my 18th birthday, January 24, 2011, I’m getting a tattoo. I’m getting the word “breathe” on my inner lip. Why? I like that the inner lip is a private place for a tattoo. It’s not for anyone else but me, and no one sees it unless I choose to show it to them. My biggest problem is that I forget to just take a deep breath when I’m overwhelmed. When things get tough, you breathe and deal with it. Getting the word breathe tattooed on me serves as a reminder to myself to keep calm and carry on.

There’s no other way to explain it. My mind is racing, it’s overwhelmed. Do all high school seniors feel this way. The idea of college and the future, what I’m going to do after I walk that stage really scares me. I feel like a phony even looking at colleges because that was never where I wanted to be. I always thought there would be an opportunity ahead of me that would put university on hold. I just want to take a leap of faith. I have a drive to do something that’s truly worth doing. What if that spirit disappears within my 4 years at college, and after I’m left to wonder what if?

I don’t want to conform to the path that has been drilled into my head since elementary school: high school, college, work and a family somewhere in between. I don’t want it and never have. I’m not saying I could never be happy at a university, because I know I can. I could fall in love with a university, probably somewhere in the city. I’d love the parties, drink and drug my brains out, and try to make sense of it all after. HOWEVER, that life, that’s settling. And the one thing I don’t want to have to do in my life, especially for major decisions is settle. Why should I go for anything less than what I want?

At a concert once, I talked to this guy who went to a local college. It wasn’t for him, and he said it was stupid for him to go when he knew he’d drop out and now he’s stuck paying back his loan. I don’t want that. I don’t want to waste my time and money. I don’t think I’d ever drop out, but hell, I’d think about it every day.

I don’t care about being rich. I want to be comfortable. I don’t plan on moving into a real house until I am getting married. I wouldn’t mind living in an apartment, yes I know they’re expensive. If I don’t have the money I’d stay at home until I get married, or until my parents kick me out. As long as I’m happy, I’ll be okay. For so long I’ve told myself that everything will work out in the end, I’ll be okay. It gets old telling yourself the same thing over and over, sometimes you start to believe it less and less every day, but it’s that which keeps you going; knowing that in the end, everything will be alright. It’s times like now that I need to believe it’ll be alright to truly make it alright.

The idea of college is my first problem. My second problem is, suppose I do end up going to college (which seems highly likely unfortunately). What do I choose to major in? Some kids my age are completely clueless as to what they’re interested in, well I’m the exact opposite. I have so many interests and there are so many different occupations I can see myself holding. I’d love to open a coffeehouse/bar/concert venue, I’d love to be a writer, maybe a travel writer, I’d love to be a wedding planner, I’d die to be a tour manager and I love to design clothes. WHERE DO I GO?

There are so many doors, and they’re open ended. I don’t know which path to choose. I wish I could have them all. I’m selfish for that, and I know that probably would never happen. This isn’t my world, it’s the world. We just live in it. I’m just looking for true purpose and meaning in this world that finds so many ways to lift me up just to knock me down.

.. so many thoughts have been running in my head. circles, miles, light years. please let me find some serenity.

.. i feel like a phony.

I think we’re all just looking for something in this world.